


Dark Shards: Cracks and Scars

by Misty_K



Series: Dark Shards [2]
Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Arguments, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Haunted by the past, Kidnapping, M/M, Mental Instability, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychological Torture, Recovery, Relationship Issues, Revenge, Romance, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-02-10 02:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12901674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misty_K/pseuds/Misty_K
Summary: It's the aftermath of the Kira Case, Light is recovering from the horrors of the past with L's help. While this is happening, L's past returns to haunt him, while his surviving successor continues to hunt them down. As their days of peace runs out, will they ever get back what they've lost?





	1. Remnants

Light stood in a darkened hallway. The walls are made of brown bricks, some of the pieces are cracked or have fallen away, crumbled into dust on the plain cement floor. There's a gas lamp hanging from a rusted hook next to him, emitting a dull glow in the spot where he is standing. The lamp looked to be many years old, the surface of it seemed to have been painted a lime green, now it's peeling off and falling apart, exposing the dirty metal underneath.

Both ends of the corridor led into darkness.

Light was puzzled, wondering how he had ended up here in the middle of a hallway leading to nowhere. The air was still, stale and smelled like damp earth, so he figured he might be deep underground.

He reached for the lamp, disgusted when he found the handle covered in foul-smelling rust. Light brought his fingers closer to his face to study it, the dry, powdery rust spreading on the skin of his fingers as he rubbed them together. He hesitated, rubbed his fingers on the fabric of his pants.

Steeling his nerves, he reached for the dirty lamp once again. The old handle scraped against the equally rusted hook, sending a chill of disgust through him at the sensation.

With the lamp in hand, Light tried to figure out where he should be headed next, glancing at both ends of the corridor.

Both of them looked the same, so he randomly chose a direction to walk towards, one which is to the left of the hook.

He was about thirty steps down the hallway when he came upon the blockage, a pile of hardened soil and rocks in his way. There was a gnarly root sticking down through the roof, the branches looking like a demonic hand trying to reach for him. Light observed the ceiling where it came from, trying to look for a way out. Considering there's a tree root here, the surface might not be too far away.

Or this might just be from a very old, very big tree.

Light saw no signs that indicated the presence of the surface, no grass or the remnants of leaves or animals that might have came through when the roof collapsed.

He figured he might not be as near to the surface as he had hoped. Also, he didn't feel like taking the risk of being crushed and buried under a mountain of dirt and rocks by trying to dig his way out, there didn't look like there's any tool he could use, either.

So the brunette turned and walked the other way, pausing when he saw a dim glow in the distance.

Light approached it cautiously.

He paled when he saw the hook from where he was and on it was another lamp.

Light studied it, fear clouding in his mind when he realized it's the same exact lamp he's holding, the exposed metal and peeling paint all in the same spots that he had seen.

He calmed his breathing, pushing the terror away from his mind the best he could and try to find his way out of here. Light stepped around the lamp, not wanting to be close to that thing and continued his way down the other end.

This way took longer than the last.

Light have been walking for five minutes, yet there was more darkness in front of him, the hallway falling apart around him, looking all the same.

Again, he spotted a dull glow far in front of him.

Light made his way towards it.

And froze.

It was the same hook and the same lamp, even the cracks in the wall around it resemble the ones his observant eyes has committed into his mind.

Light was spooked, staring at the lamp like it was some sort of nightmarish monster. Again, he stepped as far as he could away from the lamp as he walked past it, still trying to find his way out.

He was afraid that he would find that same lamp the further he walked but have yet to find anything a while later. He wasn't ready to let his guard down, though, until he felt a soft breeze blowing on his face.

It died off in the next second but he was positive that he might be close to the way out.

Light increased his pace, eager to get out of here. He faltered when he found a dim glow in the distance, afraid that it might be the godforsaken lamp again.

He made his way towards it cautiously.

The glow flickered and disappeared.

Before Light could figure out what had happened, the single flame in the lamp stuttered and went out.

There was a loud crash in the complete darkness and frenzied breathing that was his own. Light bent down and felt around for the lamp, hissing in pain when something sharp nicked a finger. He brought into his mouth to nurse it, only to spit it out when it tasted of rust and blood. The two things were mingled together and left a strong metallic taste on his tongue. Light spat some more and accepted that the lantern was no longer usable.

He gingerly stretched his hand out to the right, feeling the cool surface of the wall under his fingers.

Light slowly stood up, carefully stepped over where the lamp had fallen as much as possible.

There was the crunch of glass underneath his shoes and Light continued walking, blind to everything around him.

Slowly and cautiously, he stepped forward, seeing nothing but darkness in front of him, his hand sliding across the right wall to guide his way, his breathing and footsteps the only sounds in the blackness of the corridor.

At some point, his hand felt nothing.

Panicked, Light's breathing hitched.

He felt for the wall again, backtracking a few steps. Light was relieved when he felt the familiar coolness of the wall beneath his hand. He walked forwards, discovering a right turn of the corridor.

He cleared his throat, finding the sound of his voice traveling rightwards, forwards as well as leftwards.

So this is a three-way.

Light decided to follow the right pathway, hoping that there aren't anymore diversion in the corridor and hoping that this is the right way to go.

He continued walking, his hand tracing the wall next to him.

Five minutes later, he saw a dim glow further down.

Light walked towards it.

It was the hook and the lamp again, this time, there's a mirror next to it. The mirror has no frame, the surface shiny in the dark. Like the rest of the hallway, it's old and grimy and cracked in some places.

Light felt an aversion to the mirror and he hadn't added those of the lantern into that yet.

He took a small step back, the sole of his shoe scraping against the cement floor.

Suddenly, he couldn't move.

Light felt his pulse quickening, his blood thundering in his ears yet he stood, frozen to the spot.

Then, against his will, Light took a small step forwards.

As if pulled by invisible strings, Light was moving closer and closer towards the mirror, his eyes wide with fear as he began to hyperventilate.

He was moved right up to the mirror, his terror-stricken face showing up clearly on the grimy surface, his breath fogging it up slightly.

Light stared, noticing with a horror a red gleam in the eyes of his reflection.

Slowly, it began to transform, the brown bleeding out of his hair and eyes, before his eyes, his skin grew paler and a wicked smile formed on his lips.

It's Kira, Kira,  _Kira-_

Light screamed in his mind, unable to move his lips or his voice box as the mirror began to crack, the pieces falling away. Yet the image of Kira remained, his laughter echoing about him. Kira lifted his arms, the limbs stretching out of the mirror, longer and longer as if they were made of rubber.

Light watched in horror as his pale, crooked fingers began to stretch, longer and longer towards him like a net.

"Light, Light, Light, Light-"

His screams are loud in his mind, exploding in his ears.

Kira kept laughing, his fingers wrapping around his shoulders and shaking him.

"Light, Light!"

Light screamed as Kira spoke his voice again and again, before suddenly turning into a deeper, huskier voice that he knew he should be able to place.

"Light!"

Light kept screaming as his eyes closed shut, suddenly able to move and began to hit whatever was trying to strangle him.

"Light, stop! It's me!"

_It's me. Who's me?_

Light struggled and warmth smoldered him, whatever it was began rocking him back and forth and hushing him in a crooning voice.

"Shhh, it's just a dream, Light. Just a dream."

He stopped struggling, heart pounding in his ears as he slowly opened his eyes. He took in the mess of a bed and a blanket trapped around his legs, the familiar wooden floor and the pale red wallpaper, the arms wrapped tightly around him.

"L?" His voice came out shaky as he turned, looking into the concerned face of the raven.

"Yes, Light," he uttered, "It's me."

"L," Light sobbed and turned to wrap his arms tightly around his lover, burying his face in his chest and breathed in his familiar scent.

"It's okay," L whispered, rubbing his back, "It's over now, Kira is gone."

L held the brunette until he fell asleep in his arms, whispering soothing words to him the whole time. He laid him down gently back on the bed, pulling the covers both their forms, keeping his arms wrapped around Light as long as he sleeps.

Even though Kira had been gone for more than eight months now, he still continued to haunt Light in his dreams. Light had trouble functioning as he did for a while, he was unable to sleep and had mood swings, increased anxiety and sometimes, depression plagued his days. The younger man had to depend on medication to regulate his mood and to sleep.

It was getting less serious though and that was a good sign, even after all that psychological damage that Kira had done to him.

_Everything will turn out better,_  L thought, wrapping his arms tighter around Light's form.

_He'll recover, eventually._

L closed his eyes and dozed off to the sound of Light's breathing.

* * *

 A pair of dark eyes stared upon the screen as lines flew up the screen, the orbs catching onto every word as they went past.

Who it had belonged to sat in the dark, pale fingers picking at the scars on his forearm as he read through the files with impressive speed. The artificial light illuminated a room that was empty except for a thin cardboard in the corner, a jar of jam next to it.

The jar was opened, the cover lying abandoned next to it, half of the jam was gone, eaten with nothing else.

File after file was opened and slowly, the man smirked.

"You can't run away from the past…"

He chuckled, rocking back and forth as he held onto his pale, bare feet, his eyes following the lines of words.

"L Lawliet."

He chuckled lowly, hopping onto his feet and sat in a crouch, humming to himself as his eyes glowed with the light from the laptop.

_"_ _I'm coming to get you."_

* * *

  **A/N: If Light dream sequence seemed like a minecraft horror map, it probably means that it is and I just watched one recently XD.**

**I did mention that I'm gonna write part 2 next year, I'd say never mind that, it has started. So… uh, time to read I guess? XD**

**Well, see ya~**


	2. Memories

"Hello, Light-kun."

Through the foggy mist, a familiar face came into view. Slowly, Light placed that it was L, recognizing the stark black hair, large black eyes and the rare gentle smile that graced his features.

Light smiled back, his mind containing nothing but the sight of his lover, the fog of peace letting nothing else through.

Still, his brain worked in the background, trying to piece everything together, to remember what it was that happened prior to this.

"How are you feeling?" L asked, concern flashing in his eyes.

Light tried to remember how to speak and ended up with a scratchy sounding, "Like my brain's been stuffed in a giant cotton ball and then spat out."

L tilted his head, the younger male didn't think that he'd said anything strange.

Light reached for L's hand that's just hanging by his side, it's been a while since he'd held it. He frowned at that thought, wondering why that had happened when the inside of his arm felt like it'd been stung. He uttered a pained sound and his eyes latched onto the reason why.

"Light," L's worried voice drifted to him while he's thinking hard about why there's a tube stuck inside his forearm.

He was jolted out of it when a warmth covered his hand, peering up into L's face as he warned, "Don't move around so much."

Light stared at him in confusion, "What happened to me?"

L looked surprised, then conflicted.

"Why, what's wrong?" Light questioned, trying to sit up and wincing when pain flared in torso.

"Light, calm down," L said, getting him to stay still.

He obeyed and stopped trying to get up but his mind raced, frustrated when the fogginess remained, leaving him empty-handed.

"What happened, Ryuuzaki?" He asked again.

He was worried when L only look troubled as he asked, "What's the last thing you remember?"

Light thought hard and his brain finally spat something at him.

What filled his vision in its entirety is a room, lit up by nothing but red lights, washing over everything except for the spot in front of him which is covered in white. L is sitting in that spot, staring at the screen in horror. He spun around to give instructions and then…

Light paled, looking up at L as if he's seeing a ghost.

"Light?"

"How- How're you…?" His voice trembled but his mind wasn't quite done.

Everything clicked into place.

"Light."

L was going to grab him when Light's harsh breathing suddenly turned into a hoarse scream.

"Light!"

L held him while he struggled, preventing Light from getting himself hurt. He continued to scream as if he's being stabbed, squirming like L's the one torturing him. Light clutched at his hair, shuddering at the pain and fear that gushed through along with the memories.

"Light, it's okay." L hushed, trying to protect him from whatever that's tormenting him.

The screams turned into sobs and L kept holding him, taking care to not aggravate his wounds any further. Light's good arm latched onto the back of his shirt, curling into a fist as he cried. His other arm twitched uselessly by his side, the nerves in his shoulder had been damaged by the gunshot.

"My father…" Light gasped through a break in the sobbing.

L hesitated and muttered, "He's dead."

"Sa-" He coughed and L silently rubbed his back, "W-What about Sayu?"

"She'll never recover."

Light shook, buried his face in L's shoulder and silently wept.

Eventually, the sobbing died down and Light pulled away, deliberately turning away from the other as he settled back onto the bed. L let him go, willing to give him whatever space and time he needed to come to terms with his loss and get better when Light unexpectedly threw these words at him.

"You shouldn't have saved me."

L stared at him.

There was only silence as Light curled up on the bed, facing away from L. He didn't move afterwards, save for the slight spasms from the crying.

"If I didn't save you, you would be dead," L tried to reason with him.

"That's the point," Light said after a long silence, his voice deeply tinged with sorrow.

Darkness enveloped L's heart. He stared at the still form in the bed and finally shifted, intending to leave out the door. Before he left, he glanced at Light and said, "Just call if you need something."

There was no reply and L didn't wait for one, closing the door behind him.

* * *

To tell the truth, Light could barely remember Kira. That was because L had destroyed both the Death Notes, which meant that his memories regarding them had disappeared. But he knew that he must've been Kira, he could sense the lingering feeling of demonic eyes staring at him and the fear, the terror that smoldered him in the past.

It still did.

He couldn't understand the fear but had deduced that it must've been Kira.

It was all him.

While they traveled to their new home and moved in, whenever Light looked in the mirror, he felt as if his reflection was staring back at him, as if that was not him.

He had L take them all down.

A few days later, all the windows are either completely open or constantly covered by thick drapes.

Whenever they were all covered, Light wanted all the lights to be turned on for the darkness had become too terrifying to him.

That was the most of what he remembered, the all-encompassing darkness and soft voices drifting through it like wandering ghosts.

In the beginning, he spent the most of his time in the bed, hooked up to painkillers and fluids. He'd refused to eat when L brought him food and refused to get up and go anywhere.

All he wanted to do is sleep.

It was only until L threatened to put a feeding tube in his throat when the remnants of pride remaining in Light spurred him to sit up and finally eat something. Even when he did, he didn't consume much but it was enough for him to not simply starve to death under L's watch.

Other than that, he didn't get up for much else and L was almost out of ideas.

* * *

L entered the Light's room a month later, not surprised to see Light huddled up on the bed. It seemed as though he hadn't moved for forever.

He found it sadly ironic that Light now always slept with all the lights on when he used to constantly complain when L attempted to work while he was sleeping. It's too bright, he said, when all that was on was the laptop and nothing else.

Sometimes when the moon was full, he'd drawn the curtains because it was disturbing his sleep.

"Light-kun," he called softly, in case Light's sleeping.

He wasn't, evident from the slight shifting from the bundle.

"It's morning," L informed, going to draw the curtains and open the window.

There was no response from Light and L had stopped expecting them other than those that had to do with his needs.

Only when the brightness from the outside filled the room did L dare turn off the lights. He still remember Light freaking out about the dark in the first few nights, other than laying on bed and silently trembling in fear.

"It's March," L noted, staring out the window, "It's a good time of the year."

A gust of wind brought fresh air into the room and L appreciated the coolness of it.

"Light-kun," he prompted gently, "Why don't you come over and look, it's beautiful out there."

There was no movement behind him. L turned to look at Light and padded towards the bed. He silently climbed in it and tenderly wrapped an arm around the other's still form.

Light didn't push him away, he'd stopped rejecting him a week ago and L took that as a good change.

He sighed, breathing in the scent of Light's hair.

It was just as he'd remembered it, smelling like musk and shampoo. L let himself become lost in the past for a while, when they were younger and when Light was not as burdened and sickened by melancholy.

He shook them off and focused on the present.

"Did you manage to sleep?"

"No," Light finally replied.

"Nightmares?"

The younger man huffed, "What else is there?"

"It'll get better," L said.

Light didn't respond but he obviously didn't agree with him.

L stared at the bedside table, on it is a jug of water that's half-full, indicating that Light hadn't drank much since yesterday. He'd left some snacks and fruits in case Light gets hungry in the middle of the night and decided to eat something. However, Light hadn't bothered with them. Alongside them are pills, painkillers and medication prescribed by the physician that L personally hired.

"It must get better," he insisted.

Light ignored him.

"Do your wounds still hurt?"

"Not really," he mumbled.

"Then you should be able to join me at the table, right?"

"I'm not hungry."

"But you're not eating enough."

L released him and shifted to sit in front of him.

"Come on," he coaxed, while Light just stared blankly at him, "I sent Nico out today so it's just the two of us."

Light managed to look annoyed for once, "Why the hell are you so persistent?"

He turned away from L and pulled the blanket over his head, "Just leave the hell me alone."

L crawled over to the other side of the bed and tugged at the blanket. Light pulled on it stubbornly, not keen to see his face.

He sighed, "You know I now have the advantage when it comes to grappling contests, right?"

L eventually lifted the blanket up and found Light giving him a weak scowl, "Don't look at me like that, you're the one who hadn't been eating enough."

L deliberately invaded his space and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

Light barely even reacted as he stroked his hair, "I need you, Light."

L sighed at the lack of acknowledgement and spoke with utmost seriousness, "I needed you, that's why I saved you, Light. I needed you, that's why I took you and left Japan because I can't leave you to die at the hands of Near.

He muttered solemnly, "I'm sorry if I made you suffer through the loss of your family and everything you once knew. But I didn't have anyone left but you."

Light stared at him as he uttered, "I can't lose you too."

He let those words sink in for a moment.

"Ryuuzaki."

"Yes?"

"How did you survive?" Light asked, braving through the memory, "I saw you die, I was holding you the entire time… I felt you go cold."

L moved to sit across from him and reached for his hand.

Light let him hold it without resistance.

"It was a plan that I made in advance, when I knew that you were no longer yourself," L muttered, "You mentioned that I should end you when that happened. I couldn't do it, not that way."

L absent-minded stroked his palm with a thumb, "I had a contact send me a drug, a poison that shuts down part of the nervous system and made it appear as though I am dead. The next part of the plan was to have someone administer the antidote within the next twenty-four hours, if that fails, or by some unfortunate circumstance the drugs completely take effect within the twenty-four hours, I die for real."

"You hired Nico."

"Exactly."

Light looked puzzled, "But your name was written down in Rem's Death Note, it was 'Larry Lawliet', isn't it?"

"That's not my name," L said, "The last part is my name but I'm not 'Larry'."

"So Rem helped you?"

L started nibbling on his thumb, "I didn't expect her to do that."

"That means she could've killed you."

"I've just realized how ridiculously low my odds of survival were."

"But you did," Light said, looking at him in a new light.

"So did you."

Light thought back to it and realized that L was right. He'd made it through despite the odds, even with Kira out to destroy him entirely, even with the organizations after him and the suicide plan he'd made for himself. He meant to kill Kira by killing himself, because there was no other reason for him to keep on living with Kira surviving.

But that reason is gone and the reason for living is right in front of him.

Light sat up.

L looked back at him, slightly thrown off because that's the most Light had moved these days.

He was bewildered when Light embraced him, his left arm was firm while his injured arm was wrapped weakly around him.

"I think I'm going to be alright," Light gasped, burying his face in his shoulder.

L hugged him back and kissed him on the forehead, "I'm glad."

He pulled back and gazed into Light's brown eyes, delighted to see it clear and filled with hope again. Light stared back at him silently.

"Thank you, Light-kun."

And Light flashed a smile L hadn't seen in months.


	3. Dependence

Light sat alone on the bed, his left hand clasped tightly around his right wrist as he stared down at them.

They were pale, he couldn't remember the last time his hands had been this pale, even lighter than his skin had been when he was in high school. Now they're even whiter because he's squeezing so tightly. Light loosened his grip and took a calming breath.

It had been a few months since he and L had arrived in Wrightwood, California ever since Kira had disappeared. L had told him what happened during that time, how Kira had went to establish himself as L, how he fought against Mello, Matt and Near, that they all died except for Near and how Kira had ceased to be. L told him that he was no longer 'L', that was given to Near who is now on the hunt for them. Despite that, his name is apparently still L. Light was glad that he didn't spend too much time feeling confused because L's first name is the exact same as his title and admitted that he is so damn cheeky that he hid his name in plain sight where no one else would think to look or even consider.

By now, his wounds are almost entirely healed, although it still felt tender when he tried to move a little too fast. L informed him that he was lucky that the bullets didn't hit anything important, or shatter into a million pieces and make the whole recovery process more difficult than it already needs to be.

And there's also the issue with his right arm, where the damaged nerves from the gunshot continued to bug him with constant tingling pain that runs through the entirety of it. Sometimes it just fades away and his whole arm would be numb instead. The physician, Dr. Harper, mentioned that with the amount of damaged sustained, it would take at least four months to regain a semblance of mobility in his arm. He also recommended physical therapy and massages that L decided to take responsibility for. Currently, all he could do is flex his fingers, he couldn't even make a fist without pain flaring up to his shoulder. He had to begin practicing using his left hand and it was so damn clumsy and clueless that he almost died from embarrassment, even when the other two occupants of the house showed no signs of amusement at his plight, or even looking at him for that matter.

He eventually got used to it and only had to resist the instinctive urge to use his main hand a couple of times, like saving a glass or a utensil from an unfortunate fate, for example. That couple of times would've ended up disastrous if L wasn't there with him.

He sighed.

Now that Kira is supposedly dead, it should be a time where he moved forward, away from this whole nightmare.

He should.

Light resisted the urge to grab his hand again, as he braced himself for what he was about to try and overcome.

He raised his head to look at the featureless white door, left hand itching to grab onto something and strangle the life out of it.

He just got out of bed, although he had woken up an hour ago, his mind plagued by the thought of it. Light took a deep breath and let it all out in a sigh, his jaw tight.

_Try again._

Light stood up shakily, shook it off and started for the door. He stopped right in front of it, staring intently, his mind spinning in a disjointed race.

He took another breath and pushed it open, revealing the bathroom made out in white, blue and gray. He tore his eyes away from the shower and the bathtub, setting them upon the mirror hung right next to the door.

Light's shoulders were stiff as he caught a glimpse of the thing, where a piece of cloth was hung on it, hiding it away from sight. He felt the panic rise in his throat but he forced it down, just like how he is about to force himself to face this.

He had to recover.

Light slowly made his way into the bathroom, leaving the door open a tiny bit, just in case. He hesitated, staring at the white towel covering the seemingly innocent item and steeled himself. He finally went to stand in front of the sink, pulled it off swiftly and came face to face with himself.

He looked sick.

Light stared, unconsciously searching for anomalies in his reflection as he kept the panic at bay. He could hear his own breathing, quick and breathless as he kept looking. He could see the tension in his shoulders and tried to relax but his body refused to respond.

_There's nothing there, it's fine_ , he told himself and repeated the words over and over in his head.

Just as he felt like he was making some progress, images came unbidden in his mind, forced him to watch a red-eyed man smirking at him, as it began to kill everyone that he loves.

He gasped, backing away, seeing his reflection doing the same with a panicked look on its face.

Its eyes flashed red.

Light found himself on the floor in the next moment, back and shoulder throbbing. Someone or something was holding onto him, to the point where it actually hurt. He thought it might be the monster in the mirror out to get him and tried to push it away with his weak, useless arms.

He gasped when it spoke in his ear.

"Light, stop, it's me!" The voice filtered through the fog, "Can you hear me?"

Light stopped fighting against it when he recognized the voice to be L's, amidst the confusion, he rasped, the world in darkness as he couldn't quite muster the strength to open his eyes, "L? What… happened?"

"You passed out," he answered. "Are you alright? Did you hit your head?"

"Dizzy…" he muttered and cracked an eye open. He seized upon seeing the bright surface of the mirror as it reflected the light from the window.

Light shut his eyes, his breaths reduced to panicked gasps.

"Light!" L sounded alarmed, "Light, we're leaving the room, can you stand?"

He heard that through a shroud of fear and was sure that he shook his head somehow.

"Okay, that's fine," he said, "Just lean on me."

Light wasn't quite aware of his surroundings, just his head spinning and his body threatening to crumple to the floor as L half-carried him out of the bathroom. When he came to his senses, he found himself lying along the edge of his bed and L looking down at him worriedly, a hand stroking his head.

"I'm okay now," he muttered, looking away from him.

L breathed a sigh of relief, removing his hand, "That's good."

"How did you know to find me?"

"There was a scream," L said, "Light, why did you do that?"

Light stiffened and didn't answer.

L sighed, "You could at least try that when I'm around. If I didn't hear you, you could've been out for hours."

"I'm fine," Light snapped as he sat up, "I'm taking a shower."

L's eyes followed him as he stood, played off his weakness and began stalking towards the door. He paused upon reaching it and remained still for a few seconds.

"I'm going to the one downstairs," he declared and promptly left the room.

L sighed when he disappeared, trying to convince himself once again of the benefits of giving Light space to deal with this on his own.

Sometimes, he's just too prideful for his own good.

* * *

Light stared at the bunch of pill bottles in front of him, the ones that the his psychiatrist had recommended for him to take.

Zoloft, to treat depression and panic disorder. Catapres, to regulate his blood pressure from all his ridiculous panicking. Seroquel as a mood stabilizer, he was given Risperdal until they realized it made his blood pressure drop so much that he fainted twice in three days. And Garapentin for his nerve pain, while acetaminophen is taken instead during the day.

He sighed, remembering how the drugs made him feel awful for a part of the day afterwards. He was always so tired and dizzy about half an hour when the medication kicks in. He hated how useless they made him feel, unable to perform as efficiently as he used to.

But he needed them, or else things will be much worse.

Light glared at the medication.

He hated them so goddamn much.

It's just after lunch and it's time to take them, Light found that he couldn't muster the will to do so.

So weary, disorientated and confused.

He's tired of it.

Light glanced at the doorway, where L had disappeared through to take care of something about his job.

Light had been dutiful in taking his meds, he hadn't shown any signs of resistance or aversion towards them, because his practical mind knew he needed them.

But now, he hated this dependency.

His dependency on the drug, dependency on emotional support and most of all, his dependency on L.

He should feel grateful.

But he couldn't take this cursed, horrendous, abhorring incompetence.

Light felt as if he'd lost a part of himself that he had before, before Kira and his mirrors came and ruined everything.

He supposed it was his own fault.

So he had to fix it on his own.

Light slowly took out his medication one by one, aware that L somehow would know whether the number of pills have lessened or not. Sometimes he wished he didn't have someone who's so sharp to take care of him.

'Take care,' how he hated those two words as well.

He screwed the lids back on and glanced once again at the door.

L was still missing.

Light took a drink out of his glass and proceeded to dump the pills into the trash.

* * *

"Light," L called him as he entered the bedroom.

What he found was Light curled up on the bed, facing away from the door.

Puzzled, L approached the bed, a hand reached out to touch him, "Light, are you okay?"

He detected harsh breathing when he reached the edge of the bed and realized that he's shivering, his arms wrapped tightly around himself.

"Light?" L touched his shoulder and he twitched, "Light, what's wrong?"

"S-shut up," he croaked, "You're l-loud."

"Light, what's the matter?" L began to panic, "Are you in pain?"

"The fuck does it look-" Light was interrupted by a heaved that looked like he was about to throw up, before moaning weakly, "Oh, god."

L was taken aback for a moment, wondering why Light would suddenly become so sick when he had been fine the past few weeks. His mind raced to figure it out and he eventually settled on a possible problem.

"Light," he asked seriously, "Did you take your medicine?"

He sensed a nervousness from the young man, who remained curled up clutching himself as he shuddered under the covers.

There was a laugh, "What are you talking about?"

"I'm asking you seriously," L said again, "Did you take your fucking meds?"

Light hesitated, before answering coldly, "So what if I didn't."

"Light!"

He flinched.

L glared down at the figure who still wouldn't face him and huffed angrily, "I'm going to call Dr. Harper."

"W-wait, L," Light turned towards him, tears in his eyes, "Please."

"I'm calling her, Light," L growled, "I'm not taking 'no' as an answer."

"N-no," Light tried to reach out and gasped in pain, more tears spilled from his eyes. "I-I mean, I'm sorry."

L glowered at his pathetic form as he whispered, "Please don't hate me."

The older man growled, took a breath to try and calm himself and said, "I don't hate you but what you did is pissing me the fuck off. I'm going to get Harper to see how she can help you because your condition is not something you can take lightly and pretend that it's not there!"

Light stared up at him pitifully as L muttered, "I thought I would give you space because you and your stupid pride clearly needed that. Now I suppose I have to watch you all the time because you couldn't even be trusted with that."

Each word struck him like a crushing blow and Light eventually buried his face in the pillow, curling up even more than when L found him.

A series of quick gasps was emitted and L looked down upon him coldly.

When that kept on going after a moment, L finally realized that he's not crying but having a panic attack.

"Shit," he clambered onto the bed and stopped Light from smothering himself by flipping him over. He was genuinely frightened when Light's eyes were disengaged and he was gulping in more air than breathing them out.

"Light," he pleaded, "Light, listen to me. Look at me."

His brown eyes flickered over to him but he was still out of it, looking as if he might pass out.

"Relax," he said as soothingly as he could while he rubbed his back, "Deep breaths, Light, try to breathe."

Light latched onto him with his left hand, his grip weak as he tried, tried to slow down his breathing.

"Deep breaths," L murmured and kept rubbing his back, "Listen, follow my breathing, okay?"

Eventually, Light managed to slow down, his fingers clutching onto L as he gasped.

"Y-you don't want me anymore," he choked, more tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Nonsense," L said, retaining his soft tone as he kept on soothing him, "I never said that."

"I'm such a-" Another gasp, "Such a p-pain in the ass, why would you even b-bother?"

"True," L muttered, "You are a pain in the ass and I was mad."

Light's grip slackened.

"But that's because I love you."

His breathing stopped, L didn't mean to make it stop so he jabbed him once in the side so he would breathe.

"Y-you bastard."

"Was that from poking you or for loving you?"

"Shut up," he grumbled.

L chuckled and buried his face in Light's shoulder. It caught him by surprise and L said, "Please, don't ever do that ever again. I'm sorry if it makes you feel inadequate, I can't stand seeing you like that either."

"Okay," Light said reluctantly.

"You're not going to be on the drugs forever," L muttered, "Your right arm is not going to be damaged forever, you're not going to be afraid of it forever. You'll get through this but it'll take some time so please, be patient."

"Okay."

"I'll always be here with you."

"Okay."

L raised his head to look at him, "Just like that?"

Light flinched and let it out in an embarrassed huff, "I, I know that is what I have to do but sometimes, I just couldn't take it."

"I won't pretend that I understand that completely but I'll be here for you," L declared, "I'm going to continue to help you through this no matter how long it takes."

It's the most that L had ever said anything of this nature to him and Light peered back at him.

"I'll try," he muttered.

A rare and gentle smile formed on L's face as he stroked Light's hair, making the younger man blush.

"I'm still going to call Dr. Harper," L said and Light ducked his head, "She'll have to assess you for drug withdrawal."

How Light hated this dependency.

But he knew, he needed it as well.


	4. Misgivings

Six months into their stay at their new home found L on the computer most of the time, working on additional minor cases and odd jobs on the side. This was so they could pay their expenses and save up other things in the future. This was not to say that L's accounts had ran dry, for the moment that he and Watari had been announced 'dead', they have been passed onto Near and the orphanage.

He can't take from them, or the new L will know to track them down.

He only had one account that is truly his and his alone, which he had prepared five years ago in case he had to fake his own death, one that not even Watari would have knowledge of.

With all that he had done behind the scenes when Kira was at large, the amount that was required for this property, Nico's wages, daily expenses, treating Light and the boat, there is only a bit left, enough to last them for a few more months, at least.

The former detective found himself only able to work on the occasional cases so as not to garner any unwanted attention and the occasional online jobs, taking care to prevent anyone from tracing his location or identity.

All that were only a small percentage of what he was able to earn before. To be more specific, what he made now does not even make up 10% of his salary as L.

Still, he tried, they are going to remain in this new place and new life as long as they live, that should be enough.

He was working on a new case when he heard the door creak open.

L turned and saw Light by the door.

Even with all his familiarities with the other, he had to convince his brain that it was Light, for his hair was trimmed and dyed completely black. His eyes now appear blue rather than brown because of the contact lenses, used with his own suggestion. With his appearance and his proficiency in the English language, he could easily pass off as a man of a mixed race, born from a Japanese mother and English father. His story to the outside world, if anyone cared to ask, is that he was born and raised in Japan and moved to England in his teens. He then proceeded to migrate here to live with his cousin when both his parents are dead in an unfortunate accident and he had nowhere else to go to.

L had Nico make Light a false ID with the name Hikaru Asahi. He also fabricated false documents and birth certificates, planted information in the government database for himself and Light. As for himself, he had a fake ID made under the name Larry Lawrence who is Hikaru's cousin in their story, while Nico is simply Larry's friend and roommate who had been staying with him since the beginning.

This was all to aid Light on his path to recovery through his own means, by allowing him to work on his own and go outside, to do as much as a normal person would, almost as much as Light would have done if he were still functioning normally.

Still, he was not normal and had to be monitored just in case something goes wrong. If he were to have a sudden relapse, or if he tried to hurt himself or refuses to tell if something was wrong. L had specifically instructed Nico to keep an eye on him. His trips outside was never completely unsupervised, he was never truly at work alone.

Currently, Light works as a part-time teacher at a nearby high school. He teaches Math and takes care not to tire himself out due to the injury in his arm and the danger of mental instability. Now, Light is able to move his arm with a lot more ease than before. However, he can't do that for too long as it is still recovering. His employer understood and didn't impose on him. Besides, the grades of his students did improve substantially, so that's something.

Light made his way towards L, who turns to face the screen.

L could hear him stop.

"How's work?" L asked, as he reads the case information.

"It was alright," Light said, L detected a weak smile on his face, "They're surprisingly accommodating today, even the students."

"You're good with people," L commented, compiling information into his head at the same time.

"I was thinking that I might go teach there as a full-time teacher," Light hesitated, "Once I get better."

"That's good."

There was a slight pause, before Light offered, "Do you need me to help with anything?"

"No, it's alright, you had a long day at school," L turned towards him, "You should rest."

The disappointment was obvious on his face but L didn't relent.

"Okay," Light turned to leave, "I'll be in the living room."

L responded with a hum and Light closes the door behind him.

* * *

Light slowly pulled the towel aside, cautiously staring at his own face in the mirror.

He wasn't sure whether it was because of time or the new appearance that finally quelled the overwhelming fear that gripped him whenever he faced his own reflection. He was still afraid but the fear felt muted, lazily trickling under his skin rather than the cold surge running through his body that he felt before.

He peered at his strange blue eyes, the contact lenses that were designed to look real.

Light carefully removed them, placed them in their cases and poured cleaning solution into it. When he was done, he put them aside and went back to staring.

His eyes finally looked normal. Light lifted a lock of his black hair, observing his reflection.

He looked strange.

Maybe that was why L seemed colder nowadays.

Light stared sadly at himself.

Maybe he shouldn't have dyed his hair after all but that was what L had suggested if he wanted to remain somewhat inconspicuous.

Maybe he's too busy, L is responsible for a lot of things, including himself.

He sighed.

Light proceeded to wash his face, planning to wash away the anxious thoughts in his head as well.

* * *

The twenty-two year old sat at the dining table by himself, having dinner that L's employee had made. Nico is nowhere to be found. He had stayed out of their way when Light begun to show signs of improvement, only occasionally showing up when he had to perform certain chores and helping the both of them with some tasks.

Kind of like what Watari had done for L in the past.

Meanwhile, L is still busy with the case, which meant that Light had to eat alone, again.

He didn't complain, however, he was already enough of a hassle that he had to take care of, especially in the early days that they settled down here.

He still didn't like it.

Light just about jumped out of his skin when something brushed against his ear.

He spun around and saw L behind him, he hadn't heard L approach.

"What?" He blurted.

"Black hair looks good on you," he said, retrieving his hand.

Light stared at him, puzzled. He stood up quickly in the next moment, "Oh, let me get dinner for you."

L surprised him with a kiss to the cheek, such that he stood staring at him like an idiot.

"I was busy," he said, as a sort of apology, as he ran a hand down his arm.

Light jerked at the contact, shivers running up his spine.

A smirk slowly spread across L's lips, "We didn't start dating a week ago, you know."

"S-Shut up," Light blushed and L chuckled in amusement.

"Now where's my food, I'm famished."

Light glared at him, "Jerk."

He still went to get a plate anyway.

As he turned, the smile melted off L's face, he watched Light go about loading food on his plate with what seems like apathy.

He shook his head and made his way to his seat, bringing the smile back on his face as Light placed his dinner in front of him.

It wouldn't be right to feel conflicted about this.

Not at all.


End file.
